Tomorrow is the first day of my sabbatical. Y’all. Y’ALL. That is three months of paid time off. Earlier this afternoon I powered down my work laptop, stashed it in the closet in a random drawer, and tore down my whole office desk setup. Out of sight, out of mind. It feels so weird.

The sabbatical is something I became eligible for after I passed my fifth anniversary back in October. When I was a baby employee it was overwhelming just thinking about setting a date for this thing, let alone actually taking it. (Of course, it would also depend on whether I’d fully make it to five years, or if it was even still being offered at that point.) I’ve seen people plan extensive trips, or big home improvement projects they’ve been putting off. Others write books, or resolve to do absolutely nothing and relax. What the hell was I going to do?

Well, here’s some of what I thought I was going to do, in no particular order, at various points over the years:

• visit family in Malaysia
• visit South Korea
• dabble in the publishing industry
• try starting another YouTube channel (for real this time)
• (like, for real this time)
• maybe go?? on a hike?????
• other ambitious tasks I can’t remember

I look at that list now and I’m like… that’s so much. (Yes, even the hike haha.) There’s a lot of pressure involved in planning these three months, and thinking that I have to “make the most of it”, whatever that even means. I’m certainly not the first person I’ve talked to who’s felt the same way. Throwing ADHD into the mix just complicates things further, but also easier in some ways. In the end, I had to zoom out in order to zoom in. (Getting perspective is difficult!!!!!)

Generally, I don’t make plans too far in advance, but I knew I wanted to be intentional in taking a leap of faith. And so, I applied to a year-long creative writing program this past September, the very first day the application period opened, with twenty pages of writing I’d been working on for a few months. If I got in, which I was skeptical about, the start date would be in January, and I wanted to give myself a good chance at building better habits during the program early on. I really didn’t want to go on sabbatical over the winter, but I also didn’t want to push it too far into the summer, because your eligibility for a subsequent sabbatical is based on when you return from your last one. There were a lot of ifs floating around that I was bargaining on, and I had to set my date a year in advance; February seemed a good choice, and I’d be rolling into the beginning of spring. A little on the nose for symbolism, but what can you do?

Anyways, I’m happy to say: I was accepted! I found out at the end of November, so I was relieved to know I’d at least have some sort of structure outside myself, which I really heckin’ need. December and January were slightly chaotic as I hunkered down to make sure handoff to the person covering for me would go smoothly. There wasn’t really a lot of space to think about sabbatical things. But! Right around that time, I was finally able to start taking a stimulant medication for ADHD, and it gave me so much more capacity to get introspective about what I need and want and dream about carrying with me into the future. It all starts right here, in 2024, with this sabbatical. My loose plans are to write, nurture my capacity for creativity in ways that feel good and are sustainable, and spend time with friends and family. (If that’s you: hi. Text me. My schedule is Very Flexible for the next little while.)

But really, when I view it from a different angle, sabbatical for me feels like effervescent, intentional, prolonged indulgence: exploring new coffee shops; purposeful daydreaming; nourishing and being nourished by relationships.

At work there’s a kpop channel in Slack, and some days I like coming up with a theme so everyone can share something they think connects with that. I wanted to have something that reflected how I wanted my sabbatical to go, which was to be slow and intentional in building my capacity, and picked Kidult by Seventeen. Paradise by BTS also comes to mind (it’s my corporate burnout emotional support song lol).

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